Draft: Chapter 2

Everyone’s excited for tomorrow’s graduation except for me. The fact that mom’s not gonna be there kills the joyous event of my student life. Who cares? Nobody, so why would I? The struggles, hardwork don’t matter at all. No one will ever appreciate all my efforts. If only dad is here, he won’t allow things like this to happen.

            “Hey Andi, you’re having deep thoughts again. What’s bugging you lately?” It was Lucy giving me a frantic look while carrying two medium-sized boxes filled with colored and metallic papers. “I’m okay, don’t mind me. I’m just having a terrible headache from my insomnia”. Pretending is not my forte but I’m bemused how I still got my friends believe on my excuses.  I jumped from my wooden chair and helped her. Lucy, Belle and I were assigned with the layout and setting up of the decoration. I must say, I’m good at that. Just don’t let me write a 1000-word essay. Cracking my brain into pieces is like inflicting brutality to myself. I maybe over reacting but that’s how I describe it.

            Forgetting about the last week’s encounter with Evo, I passed by him and his friend but he hardly noticed. They were busy with the tables and the chairs. I didn’t mind at all, him forgetting the whole thing is good, we can start over. In a more formal way. I picked up the scissors and started cutting some letters to form the word GRADUATION. Seriously, this is so old school. What’s the use of computers and printers? The school ran out of budget for building nonsense pots. Great. Nothing so special about tomorrow, just as I thought. From a motherless candidate for graduation to a crappy stage set up, bring the sarcastic side of me. One of my defense mechanisms to actually comfort myself.

            “So, I can see someone looking at the guy in red shirt. Evo, that’s the name right?” a wide smile from Belle as she caught me staring at him. “I was just scanning the surroundings trying to picture out how the system will work for tomorrow” I blurted out defensively. Another lame excuse but I know this won’t stop them from questioning about me and Evo. He is the matter, the everything, the reason. “Its our second to the last day in school. Don’t you wanna talk to him? Go on a friendly date?” suggestive as they sound but seems to be last of my priority. Crush is admiration. The feelings you have for someone who is unique and incomparable. It’s not like I’m gonna marry him but when given a chance I would be the only girl shouting the I DO before the priest ask me to.

            I sat on the floor and started pasting the metallic borders to each letter. I can see from my perpendicular vision a black chuck taylor sneakers getting nearer and nearer to the place where I am sitting. I can hear giggles from my back. Confused and curious, I lift my head. It was unexpected. I can hear the sound of my heart beating thrice as normal. Blood gushing through my head which makes me blush. I can’t move, I can barely move, I can’t talk, I’m jammed. It was Evo talking to me for the second time, not as bad as the first. His lips are moving, uttering words but I can’t hear his voice. All the angels from heaven are singing songs, I can hear them playing harp and trumpet behind me. This is not the so-called crush, this is love. or obsession?

            I finally came back from dreamland and I can still see him talking. This time his words are as clear as crystal. “Will you go out with me?” I was taken a back. Shocked, happy, excited, I can’t believe it. I acted like as if I usually asked by someone on a date. I acted reserved and normal. “Are you asking me on a date?” To clarify things up. I don’t wanna look hopeful and misinterpret what he meant. He smiled and grabbed his nape. Was he shy or unsure or did the boys put him into a challenge? Clearing up my mind and said YES without waiting for him to answer.

            The day is about to end. I said yes without knowing the details. I have no clue on when and where are we gonna meet up. I started packing my things and I saw him approaching me. I froze but managed to act like a normal person.

            “Where do you wanna go tonight?” He looks enchanting without even trying. I let him did all the decision. At the end of the day, what really matters most is me spending a night with him. This is so going to be a long story telling to my diary. Gladly, she doesn’t talk or else she’ll probably give me a kick in the ass.

            We went to Preston bar and restaurant. This is gonna be a long night. More talking and laughing, finally, the long wait is over. No more fantasies, hello reality. He pulled the chair for me and gave a sign to the waiter. He is such a gentleman. My degree of likeness increased from 5 stars to 10 stars.

We talked about his life and his siblings. He was the youngest among the 4 boys. His parents always compare him to his older brothers who already are successful. The first two are married and have children. Both are members of the board of a known company around the country. The one before him is a successful cardiologist, one of the top specialists according to Venue Magazine. He looks pretty sad and dismayed by how his parents treat him.

            I tried to be as therapeutic as I could. That somehow made me more special, knowing his story is a pleasure. I sure did understand him now as a person not just by his appearance. We have an intense conversation until the waiter broke the serious atmosphere. He intended to let go of his issues and taste the dishes instead. “But I want more”. There’s a wild protest in my head. I wanna know all information about him. It makes me more “above” than the other girls in the campus.           

            “What about you, what’s your story?” I gave him a timid look but his face is insisting. I told him general information about me and how did I lost my dad. Nothing interesting, I realized. I came up with a story to astound him. I read in How to Win His Heart 101 that you should do the things he loves. “I love photography. Taking pictures of the sceneries, appreciating the beauty of the environment gave me a more relaxed feeling. It’s my way of escaping from the stress”. I started.

What on earth was I saying? Words juggling in my mind as I realized how stupid that idea was. Agog and fascinated, he made a charming laugh “What a coincidence! I love photography too! We should take some shots sometimes. What do you use?” My eyes widen, hands were trembling. Think! You might have read about camera! I scanned the environment, hoping to get a clue. Sh*t! I shouldn’t have told him that. I closed my eyes, and tried to picture out the Digital SLR I saw on Jaden’s Electronics. I saw the word Nikon D and a number. I filled the number randomly praying that he couldn’t memorize all units of Nikon.

“I use Nikon D350”. I gave my please-don’t-remember-all-Nikon-units look. He actually bought that! Thank goodness. I glimpsed at my watch. To my horror, it was thirty minutes past nine. I was late for my curfew.

            We thanked each other for the great night and departed our ways. I took a cab and went home straight. It was the best night of my life. Preoccupied by everything, I opened our main door and hurriedly jumped to my bed. Smiling, I feel like floating. I keep pinching myself thinking it was just another dream but I’m hurt. This is not a dream! Happiest girl in town. I covered my mouth with pillow and shouted as loud as I can. I can’t believe this is happening.

            I checked on Ani’s room and no one’s in there, even in mom’s room and office. I looked at the kitchen and outside, nobody’s there. The house is quiet, only I make the noise. I phoned mom and there was no answer. I tried again and it was the operator saying the number you dialed is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try your call again later.

            I was frightened that something might have happened and they tried to contact me but I was so busy dating with some guy I just talked to for four years. The guilt is overpowering. I dialed Ani’s cellular phone number. Ani’s calm voice finally put me into conclusion that nothing serious happened.

            “Where are you? Why are you guys out? Did I miss something?” A less worried voice starting to be pissed for not informing me ahead of time for the occasion. “The question is, where were you? It’s past your curfew and don’t tell us why were out and you missed not just something but a lot”. There it is again. My little annoying sister’s piss-my-older-sister tune.

            “I have no time for your games, do not make me look like I’m profound and clueless.”  I’m not in the mood, clearly. Grandma Suzie was rushed to the hospital after having episodes of diarrhea and vomiting after eating tuna sandwich given to her by Lassie, her neighbor. She felt weak and looks dehydrated. Mom decided to have her checked but the doctor admitted her for its danger due to grandma’s age. She’s turning 95 next month but looks like she got out of her youth last year. She can do chores without difficulty and exercise regularly. Still strong and active, she doesn’t want anybody’s help in doing her activities of daily living. She could live 5 more years in this condition.

            

Draft: Chapter 1

I was thinking about what my life would be after college. Perhaps, getting a decent job would be nice. No. Have a break for a little while. Go to the beach and party maybe. C’mon it’s not like forever. Okay. I can do that. Or not.

“Hey Andi, what the hell are you doing?” a woman, not so fancy, dressed in a cargo pants and a purple sleeveless entered my room without even knocking.

“A little privacy please”. I said in a not so high- pitched voice. You caught me again. Uhm. I was just. Okay. Im trying to figure out my directions in life. You better leave now or else I will lose my focus.

            She’s been doing that for ten years already, getting me annoyed is part of her everyday. That was my sister by the way, Anhioves who gets pissed when I call her that. People call her Ani, leaving her real name a top secret. She left my room laughing boastfully. Oh, the sound of it is really getting into my nerves.

            To continue my early morning day-dream, I visualized myself in corporate attire, hair properly fixed in a bun, gorgeous make up on with pink lipstick and a pair of pearl earrings.

“Hello goodmorning sir, I am Andrea Clevlet and I am applying for whatever postion you offer. I brought with me my resume, I am hardworking, flexible and most importantly I am very much willing to work overtime without pay. As I heard myself saying those words, I trembled. What if they hired me, what if they really expect me to be the person I’m describing. I can be fired in 10 minutes. I really am not hardworking nor flexible nor willing to work for free. I’ll probably explain to them that I said that for hiring purposes only. What a desperate move I got right there.

            I laughed really hard at my self, when somebody knocked at my door. It was mom, Lauren. She’s 50 years old and has been working as a manager of a boutique since my father died when I was 4 years old. I opened the door and I couldn’t find youthful in her face. She’s never really cared or fixed her self at least from the time my dad had a sudden car accident. She does not socialize anymore. All she has is work and home. But I never blamed her for that. It took me forever to heal this wounded heart. Nevertheless, I never thought of it or else I’m gonna be lifeless like mom. I’m only 22 years old and not ready to the tango for the oldies.

            I went down the kitchen to grab some breakfast before I leave for school. I was watching mom as she keeps herself busy doing the dishes when I interrupted her work. “So mom, next week is my graduation. Do you have something in mind? What to wear maybe or where to celebrate.” She stopped and looked at me in the eyes. I’m not really used to getting a serious family discussion. She sighed and turned her back continuing with the cleaning up.

“I asked your Aunt Lett to accompany you on your graduation. I am really sorry but I have important things to deal with on that day”. A thunder and a clash of lightning struck me. “This is so unfair. Dad’s not going to be there and you’re not gonna be there too. This is an important day of my life and no one’s gonna be there. Great! Does this mean I have to live alone?! Give yourself a break. Look at your self. Look at your ugly self. All you know is work. You don’t know how to appreciate our efforts. Dad is gone! Accept it! He will never come back.” I found myself yelling at her and tears keep rolling on my face. I left the kitchen and peeked at her, as if she heard nothing. She’s still doing the dishes, as if nothing happened. I never thought mom could be that numb inside. I was trying to understand her but my patience is overflowing. Not on my graduation day, but what else could I possibly do. I couldn’t just drag her. I guess I could figure that out later. I sat in the living room, scanning some Cosmo magazines, waiting for the school bus to arrive.  

            It’s our pictorial for the yearbook today. I go straight to the rest room to put my make up on. I fixed my curly hair and put hairpins on it so as not to cover my face. As I go out, I bumped into a guy leaving his things scattered all over the floor. I helped him pick it up and I was stunned that it was my crush since kindergarten. He’s name is Evo Clayton, the most valuable player of the basketball team. We attend the same subject but he barely notices me. He is always surrounded by flirty cheerleaders trying to please him.

I caught my self staring at him, giving my very beautiful smile. My brain cells are trying to push me to say even a word but I couldn’t stop the amazement of how God made such wonderful creation. Every minute of my life I’ve been dreaming of becoming his girlfriend. The flirty, jealous bitches are gonna be doomed. Breaking into my face to face day dream was my friend Lucy. She tapped me on my shoulder and I blurted the word sorry. He turned around and I can see the biggest question mark above his head.

“It wasn’t that long when I stared at him, right?” sounded like concerned, I asked Lucy finding her laughing. “No. not really, it’s just a minute or two. He’s been talking to you to give his papers back and all you did was smiling all your hearts out.” Nervous, I felt that. Awkwardness, check. Oh my gosh, I freaked him out. Who might have thought that I’m a psycho? I’m just a kid who gets to have crushes.

            To the cafeteria, we almost cross our paths again. I hid behind the tree, watching him talking and making some moves with his boys. I cannot just bring myself to him talking about the shamefulness I did. It’s very difficult to explain why I acted that way. I wasn’t myself after all, I’ve been hypnotized by his masculinity and the good looks I can barely resist. He is my own bliss. I decided to go back to the rest room to freshen up a little bit and joined Lucy and Belle, my other friend. I got a deal with Lucy not to tell anyone about what happened. She wasn’t so serious about it but I trust her. She won’t allow me to be a part of hall of shame.

             The pictorial is about to start and I volunteered to be the first one. I grab my toga and carefully put it in place. I started smiling when Evo and his friends entered the room teasing each other still. I hurriedly got off the chair and took the back door. I don’t have the face to present to the person I describe as my own personal angel. Belle seemed not the notice my reaction but I can see Lucy in an angle from the window trying to control her inside humor. I sneakily headed to the school main gate as I waited for them. We planned an all girls shopping spree for the graduation.

            It’s not until twilight when we left the school. Belle is the editor-in-chief of our school paper and they got some problems on copy reproduction. I had a little chitchat with the guards to kill some time while waiting for her. Our first stop for the evening was at The Green Garden, a Filipino owned restaurant. I love how they mix all the ingredients that feel like spices burst into your mouth as you taste it. We do the casual talking as we waited for the food to be served. Everyone kept silent as we eat as if we haven’t eaten for a month.

            We walked through the tiled alley downtown to check out some 20% sale in a not-so-big store. I found this cute green sleeveless dress with black belt.

“You will look like a tree if you decide to wear that” Lucy whispered from the back. I smiled and took another direction. Nothing interests my eyes and so are they. As we walk through the streets, we noticed a new store in a corner with a post “New Arrivals”. It was bigger than the first store, looks fancy and classy. Everything inside it is pleasing and definitely a paradise to people who define fashion in their own way. I tried three dresses until I found the one that is perfect to my body type. It was a strapless black dress that shapes my body. I paid to the cashier directly without checking on the price tag.

“Ma’am, its $670 for this beautiful dress”. Stunned, blood rushed through my brain, what the f*ck. But I love it, I really do. For emergency purposes, I always have mom’s credit card inside my wallet.

“Ooo..kk. here it is miss. Wow, that’s a lot of money right there.” I gave a fake smile while thinking of my great excuse.

            “Home at last” I said in relief as I saw my bed with pink linen on it. I had a tiring day and I deserve a rest. I had a quick shower and put my PJs on. There is this inside feeling that doesn’t stop me from worrying. I checked Ani and mom before finally surrendering myself to my queen size bed. Ani’s asleep already and mom’s still in her office working with the bills and the paperworks from the boutique. I intended not to disturb, thinking the earlier conversation will rise up from the grave. “I love you mom, everything’s gonna be okay” whispering to myself as I close the door slowly. 

9 Years Gone

The film is so bitin. Everyone would agree to this statement. Watching the movie reminds me how crazy love can be. You do things you couldn’t imagine you’ll ever do in your life. Do you keep your crush’s trash? Do you take a picture of him secretly? Or do you pass by his classroom pretending to be going to the comfort room? Very highschool-ish. It brings us our stupidity and for one moment we enjoyed being stupid. For those who have not seen the movie, I was referring to Crazy Little Thing Called Love.  The film revolves around P’Nam, an ordinary girl trying to catch P’Shone’s attention, the guy every girl dreams about including ME. I don’t want this blog to be lengthy, so I’d rather hold my true feelings about him. Or maybe I’ll tell you just a bit of information about Mario Maurer. He is 3 months older than me, of Thai, Chinese and German descent. He has a girlfriend but I didn’t bother to research further (snob!).

How do squids hold hands?

When Nam found out Shone aleady has a girlfriend. 

Credits to Maphil Rapacon for introducing me this film. Knowing that it is a Thai movie, I didn’t download it first. I hate reading subtitles while watching. Found myself doing nothing, again, I read the reviews and watched the trailer on youtube. Interesting, funny and I hate to say this but I can relate to Nam. Only that I didn’t evolve into a goddess. Haha.

To all the fans of Crazy Little Thing Called Love, I have good news! Mario and Fern (Nam) will shoot its sequel pretty soon. Oh yes! It has a sequel. Due to the feedbacks and ratings, fans can worry no more about what happened after the last scene. Who thought it was the last scene already (Shone professes his love for Nam in a talk show where she was interviewed); I thought it was the climax. Kidding! :D

P'Shone and P'Nam. They look good together ♥

“9 Years Gone. Director confirmed that there is a sequel, however, it is still only in draft-processing but will be released soon. Cheers to that! :D ♥” –Crazy Little Thing Called Love Official Facebook Fan Page

Excited much. Please send me updates!

Xoxo, Manel

A Blogger and a Sinner

Vanity is a sin. I believe that but seems to be the self-satisfying sin I have ever committed.

Vain. My friends know me for that single word. Not that I put a lot of make up but the fact that I like dressing up and take photographs of myself. This vanity started when I had my first ever camera phone, Nokia 6600, when I was in third year highschool. Until now, I make it as one of my time killers. I don’t own costly Digital SLR, I only have an ordinary low-class Digital Camera I bought 2 years ago from my savings. It's not high definition, for sure, but it can survive me. Good thing I have a little knowledge on photoshop: erase, paint, cut, blur and burn.

Adobe Photoshop: burn. image effects. black and white photo.  

Adobe Photoshop: drag. erase. burn. image effects. blending use with color background.

Adobe Photoshop: burn. image effects. blending use with color background. 

On a boring afternoon, I would find clothes from my closet, mix and match. Some are mom’s. Put a little pressed powder to cover up my pimples (ew!), eyeliner and a lip gloss. Despite the stuff I put on my face, my camera can still capture the unevenness and dullness of my face. That is when the magic begins, when I put all the files in my laptop, click Adobe Photoshop CS3 and tahda! I can now describe myself as human. What if photoshop doesn’t exist, at all? Perhaps, I look like a stressed, old for my age, widowed woman left in the street by some carjackers. I’m over reacting, I know. Haha. It’s up to you to find out and DEFINE MANEL. Ciao!

xoxo, Manel

Novice.

I was a writer in our school paper way back in highschool. At some point, I was given opportunities (not to mention twice) to represent our city for the regional competition. Always a runner up, yes that's me. Entering college was a lot more different from highschool (simply because I went to the same school since kindergarten and have the same classmates, mostly if not all). I promised myself not to write again and enjoy school instead. So, here I am now, trying to regain my interest. Or should I say,Im bored to death that I couldn't think of new ways to entertain myself.

my normal look. 

my oh-my-gosh-im-bored looks

I'm blogging. The least idea a bored person could ever think of. But I guess, I've come to the right door to stimulate my brain cells, at least. 

Fellow bloggers (and to those who care to read my blogs), watch out for my future blogs and DEFINE MANEL. 'Til next time.

xoxo, Manel